An Open Letter to Men Everywhere

I can't keep silent about this any more. I mean you when I say this. From now on, when you are sharing a public restroom with me, don't ever do any of these things:

• Spit into the urinal. I don't know why you do this--maybe you just like to spit and the urinal is better than spitting on the bathroom floor, but it's gross. I don't need to see it, and I definitelydon't need to hear that snorking sound you make before doing it.
• Interlock your hands behind your head. I really don't know what this is all about. Are you trying to demonstrate to your fellow urinators that you don't need to wash your hands when you're done? You're not lying down on a couch, and if you're not careful, you're going to miss. Put your hands down and pay attention to what you're doing. Also, don't sigh with relief so loudly. That's really creepy.
• Always go for the urinal right next to mine. There are 20 of them, and only 2 are occupied. Go for one out by itself and give yourself some privacy. If you need a tutorial on proper bathroom etiquette, take this test.
• Take a zillion paper towels. It's wasteful. Your hands aren't that big. Take one towel, dry what you can with it, and repeat as necessary.
  

Thank you. You'll be a better bathroom citizen for it.